1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply toyou if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of theoffice. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything atall.
3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain andheart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I returnfrom vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in theorder it was received.
5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 forthe first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Yourmessage has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and trysending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can seewho did this over and over and over...)
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply inapproximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by yourPC for my response.
9. I've run away to join a different circus.
10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medicalreasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead ofSteve.
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